29 August

I am extremely exhausted, head spinning like a top, expecting that when I reach home, I can have some rest, some peace and quiet. BUT NO! The moment I sat down using my computer, my brother had to just come in and shout at me. WTEFFFF! Seriously, its not like I went out or something, I WENT TO WORK. Just because I missed mass and missed choir comm meeting and he CLAIMS he got scolded by some of the choir mates, now he blames it all on me, EFFFFF! He asked why I did not tell anybody, I told him I forgot there was choir comm meeting, I really forgot cause I was focused on work these few days, he cant even accept that answer than what the fuck am I suppose to say! Still effing say things about he cannot tolerate my attitude and stuff! WTF!?!?!?!! We haven’t been talking for the past few months and WHAT THE EFFF DID I DO TO HIM. WHAT ATTITUDE! I’m just really fucking tired! CAN’T I JUST NOT GET ANY PROBLEMS AT ALL..

Seriously, you call this home? HOME is where I can rest, FAMILY is people I can count on and depend on and even understands me but I do not even get any. Right now, I feel I don’t have the right person to talk to, that’s why it leads to blog.

10 August

9 August:

Happy birthday Singapore! I went for the NDP with Chelsea today and it was dam fun! I love the goodie bag, Chelsea had the patches one while I had the esplanade inspired look bag. According to the host of the NDP, these are designer bags. Anyways, in the bag they had a dam cute FUN BOX which was dam cute! But that wasn’t the only thing that was cute in the NDP, the army dudes were cute too, well some of them. And the cool military weapons and the cool vehicle, hotness! Chelsea and I took many photos, majority were the view of the esplanade and the IR with all the fireworks, that was THABOMB! Awesome NDP, I still cannot get over the hotness of the army dudes and their gadgets. HOTNESS! Reached home around 10 plus and I am dead tired. Gonna fall asleep soon.

10 August:

Today Febrianna and I are going for a job interview today! It is at Bugis, till this hour the guy did not want to tell me where the venue is excepts it is near the MRT. He said to reach there and he’ll direct us there. Anyways, class starting.

<<8.43am-1.35pm>>

Guess what, I just found out again today that the whole “in the relationship” is real. Goddamit. If it was real in the first place why even tell me it was just to irritate your brother. Excuses! You think its a joke? It may be funny to you and your friend but its never to me. Well your sense of humour really sucks big time. You hurt me over and over again. Although I have no more tears to cry out now, but deep down inside I really much hate you. You explained to me that the whole “relationship” thing was just a joke, even if it was so hard to understand, I tried my very best to believe you. And when I did, the next time I know is that you told me all those were real. Fuck man. I am not a toy you can simply play with. I have feelings which you don’t even seem to care. When we were still together, I apologised like hell even when the bigger fault is not mine. Everytime I forgave you blindlessly, I end up forgiving you. FUCK! And now you are with another girl RIGHT AFTER we broke! Haven’t you have any feelings for me at all! You said you do, but the way you talk to me, the way you show me, you think I still believe you? You somemore told me to “man up”? Man up your head! It is not that easy, 2 BLOODY years of feelings, 2 BLOODY years of loving you, 2 BLOODY years of always forgiving your flaws, 2 BLOODY years that I dug that bloody hole. You said that its because YOU feel that we are not compatible but you know what, a relationship consist of TWO, not ONE. So you can’t just fucking say goodbye and still say I have feelings for you when you are with ANOTHER GIRL! FUCK! And just so you fucking know that although I mentioned that “I have totally forgotten him and woken up from that dream”, would it ever come across that MAYBE, JUST BLOODY MAYBE that I just typed it because I felt that way ONLY FOR THAT DAY? You have no bloody idea what I been through every fucking day, so do not ever, EVER say “it just shows how u treasure the relationship too” because fact is that I sure hell lot treasured it more than you. FUCK!

1 August

Today is one of the best days ever so far in 2010. Despite the fact that Justin’s true colours are finally revealed, or rather I finally came to realised and woken up from that dream. Thanks to him, I am able to clearly clear all emotions away. I have wiped my final tears away and with the help of my friends, I feel stronger than ever and back to normal.

Anyways, today is one of the fun days ever! After mass, it was quite boring, did my sudoku throughout choir practice and even at home. Around 4pm? Chelsea and I started talking, miss that girl. We continued into our web-caming and ended up planning to meet at Hougang. By the way, she has braces now! Awesome awesome, same as me. Now I’m certainly not the only brace face around! Anyways, at Hougang mall, we went to eat something light at Long Johns. Tried the ‘Crazy’ which was awesome! The taste of crispy nachos and fries soaking in the melted cheese. Together with a drink, cost me $3.50 which I felt it was reasonable if they gave crispy crumps! haha. We then continued doing our work which did not last long cause I started the temptation of web-cam whoring since she didn’t wanted to continue with her drawings. And we went wild taking those photos, go see facebook. (:

Haven’t had that feeling of craziness for a long time. Suddenly, even sitting in Long Johns is exciting. With her around, anything is possible.

Around 7.45pm I met my parents in Hougang mall’s kopitiam for dinner. After which we head home and although Justin was nice enough to message me when he was bored. Well, it just didn't end well. But after hearing what he said, again I repeat, Thanks to him, I finally woken up from that dream. I feel its not worth it being sad over that relationship which nobody treasures anymore. Its meaningless now. But I love my friends, they helped me grow stronger as a person. Thanks ya’ll!(: